As promised, the return of the ABJs (Amanda’s Birthday Jams) is here. I had forgotten how much fun it could be to use music to reflect and celebrate life.

This year, more than any other year, I saw a pretty clear theme for this season I’ve found myself in. This last year, I felt like I was on a path towards figuring out how to be a better steward of myself – this life I’ve been given. And specifically, it required giving myself permission. Permission to hope for more, permission to care for myself, permission to celebrate who God made me, permission to dance, laugh, play – and come out of hiding behind the fear of failure or insecurities.

Recently, I’ve been putting myself out there in several ways – and there’s a group of people in my life that I’ve invited to be my support in that. They’re my team. In the last few months, God has reminded me of how blessed I am to have the friends I have who have loved me and cared for me, better than I have done for myself. They see me better than I see myself and somewhere in the last few months, I’ve discovered this new confidence in myself. Not because I think I’m so great, but because I feel so incredibly loved by God and these people who he’s put in my life who have been there to encourage and affirm me in reminding me that God made me who I am. I find myself in a season of embracing that fact – that God made me – all my silliness, strengths, weaknesses and all. And that he delights in me.

My prayer for everyone this year, is that you would get to experience what it’s like to have someone show you God’s love the way my friends have – that they would remind you that God delights in you and that you would give yourself to permission, freedom to celebrate and dance in that kind of joy.

The Songs

Instead of making actual cds and covers this year, I’m just posting it on Spotify (use this link) and I will list the songs below. Why? Because I just gave myself permission to not put a bunch of pressure on myself. I added a few extras at the end – because I didn’t have to edit it down to fit on a CD which is brilliant.

I won’t breakdown the symbolism or reason I chose every song. I will tell you there’s a lot of songs I just want to dance to! There’s a couple that are a specific nod to my new addiction of West Coast Swing. A couple that have become my theme songs to facing dating in my thirties. Sigh. Some are about trying to own my newfound confidence – and maybe encourage it’s growth.

Some are about facing fears.

Time to drown in your own thrill
Riding a rollercoaster is like losing your breath and finding it in your will
You’re jumping on the back of your fears
And you’re taking them for a ride
You’re seeing yourself when you were five
It is surreal
– Rollercoasters, Tank and the Bangas

Some were chosen purely because I love blaring them in my car to dance and sing to because they make me happy. And in all of that, I fell in love again with the process of creating my own birthday jams again.

The Art

I’ve been drawing a lot of faceless portraits lately. And they seemed connected to my playlist this year.

I gave myself permission to stop trying to draw eyes, nose and mouth. Because I’m not a great artist, especially when it comes to the technical stuff. I don’t aspire to be, but for the longest time I felt this pressure like – they had to have faces. But then when I would add it, I would hate the way it changed her and I hated the way I felt like I fell to the pressure of what others thought would complete the picture, what others thought would be perfect. I just wanted to create these pieces I enjoyed and that evoked the emotions I was feeling through the texture, color and movement I created as I used my hands to blur and layer the various oil and chalk pastels over each other. And she feels free, confident, and happy – she feels like the person my friends see in me when I’m at my best. And I kind of love that because she isn’t technically perfect, but she’s vibrant and free to dance.

So I hope you take the time to listen. I’ve found that while the whole list may not be everyone’s cup of tea, most people find at least one song they really like – maybe even love – out of the list. And that makes my day to share music that someone falls in love with! And more than anything, I hope this list invites you dance.

With that, I’ll end with the words of Marvin Gaye – just “keep on dancing, got to give it up!”

*Just a quick reminder for folks with kids, you might want to listen first before sharing with your littles. Thanks!

The John Wayne – Little Green Cars
You Get What You Give – Charming Horses & Grace Grundy
Emotions and Math – Margaret Glaspy
Boxes and Squares – Tank and the Bangas
Lost – Dermot Kennedy
Dumb Myself Down – JR JR
I Wanna Dance with Somebody – Rachel Brown
Got to Give it Up, Pt. 1 – Marvin Gaye
Built for Comfort – UFO
Figure it Out – The Thing with Feathers
Quick – Tank and The Bangas
Baby’s Got Sauce – G. Love and Special Sauce
After Rain – Dermot Kennedy
People Need a Melody – The Head and the Heart
Want  – Birdtalker
Hot Air Balloons – Tank and the Bangas
Someone New – Mara Connor & Langhorne Slim
Heavy – Birdtalker
Rollercoasters – Tank and the Bangas

Extras –
Sway – Heartless Bastards
New Shoes – Paolo Nutini
Paranoia in B Major  – Avett Brothers